Harvey swoons into his office and sees a tall man sitting on the couch, his eyes closed, elbows carefully kept in his laps and his fingers gently dug in his chin.
HS: Donnaaaa! Why is there a strange doctor sitting in my office?
SH: I’m not a doctor, and I’m definitely not strange. You on the other hand do seem ignorant.
HS: You sure? You definitely look like my dentist.
SH: The very fact that you didn’t even notice your secretary missing from her desk just proves my point.
HS: What point? That you are my dentist?
SH: No, the point that…. Never mind. Let’s talk business.
HS: Look, I’m sorry mister. I don’t know how meetings work in your country. Maybe you just decide to barge into someone’s office, say cheerio to each other and discuss your queen and cricket over a cuppa hot Darjeeling Tea. But here in the states, we schedule prior appointments. So why don’t you move your ass back out of the door and wait for my secretary. Schedule an appointment with her and then we will see.
SH: Yeah your secretary Donna is not coming back today.
HS: (glances quickly towards Donna’s desk and turns back) What’d you do?
SH: Oh, not much. I had only been interacting with her for a few minutes when I deduced she was a fan of Richard Gere, who happens to be in this city tonight.
SH: So, I got her a date with him. He owed me a favour.
HS: Wait! You are telling me that Richard Gere owed you a favor?
SH: Yeah! So do Christopher Nolan, Dalai Lama and half of the English Navy if I’m correct. But let’s not talk about my work. Let’s talk about yours.
HS: (after a brief pause) You got my curiosity. Let’s see if you could get my attention.
SH: I understand that you have worked prolifically on the Ava Hessington and Hessington Oil case.
SH: And you have also been in contact with Stephen Huntley.
HS: I sure did.
SH: And what can you tell me about him?
HS: The guy was a hired gun. Called the bad shots. Ended up ordering killings on his own. Painted Ava Hessington for his crimes. Put his daddy in a lot of shame. Broke the heart of his love. Ended up coming in my line of fire. And I sure knocked that son of a bitch out of the park.
SH: And then?
HS: And then he got what he deserved. Multiple life sentence with no parole. I would have thrown him to the electric chair if it was up to me. But wait, are you some kind of detective?
SH: Consulting Detective.
HS: Consulting Detective?
SH: Yes, a consulting detective. The only one in the world because I invented the job.
HS: The only one in the world because no one else was willing to take on that shitty title.
SH: I see you are a man brimming with self-obsession.
HS: Can’t help it. I wake up in the morning, look at the mirror and see the classiest guy alive on the planet.
SH: Well, you sure weren’t much of a ‘classy man’ the other night at the bar.
HS: (Shockingly) How did you know that?
SH: Let’s just say that I am good at keeping secrets. So, what else can you tell me about this Stephen Huntley?
HS: How do you know about last night at the bar? Have you been following me?
SH: No, I just saw you right now. You are really in over your head, aren’t you?
HS: Then how did you know about the incident?
SH: Oh, it is what I do. I observe and I deduce.
HS: (rolls his eyes) I still don’t get it, how?
SH: The impact of the punch last night was minimal. You have been rubbing your left cheek every few minutes and one can see a hint of swelling from this angle. Clearly you had a fight.
HS: Okay. And how could you possibly know about the bar?
SH: Read it in the paper this morning. Pearson Specter Litt won the case for Westerton Steel, it is one of your biggest client I presume. You sure would have celebrated last night. Hardly a difficult leap.
HS: Are you for real?
SH: I further deduce that your left uppercut ended the fight rather quickly judging by the state of your knuckles. So why did you fight?
HS: There was this guy who….
SH: Oh sorry! I just remembered that I DON’T CARE.
HS: (Stares at Sherlock with amusement)
SH: (Stares at Harvey, nonchalantly)
HS: So Stephen Huntley, huh? Why rattle me, I barely knew the guy. Why don’t you speak to Donna or better yet, just contact Darby. He was Darby’s prodigal son.
SH: It was Mr. Darby who hired me in the first place. And as far as my understanding for human emotions go, I think it wouldn’t be fair to involve Donna.
HS: What do you mean?
SH: I mean that Stephen Huntley was found dead in his prison cell seven days ago.
HS: (Out of words due to shock and disbelief)
SH: The guards wrote it off as a suicide. But I have been investigating murders of similar sorts for the past year. There have been nine incidents in congruence with this one, and I am afraid all these little webs point to a vicious spider roaming freely in London, Jam….
HS: James Moriarty?
SH: JAMES MORIARTY. How do you know that name?
HS: Well, just after we put Huntley behind the bars, I received a bottle of….
SH: A bottle of champagne with regards from James Moriarty?
HS: A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE FROM JM. I had my guy look into the initials and Huntley’s background and the name James Moriarty showed up. Of course, I didn’t get much info on it so I didn’t pursue the matter further. (Stops for a brief moment) Please tell me that Huntley ordered those killings and wasn’t coerced into it?’
SH: I’m pretty sure that Huntley was guilty. He was sentenced for life and he knew too much about Moriarty. I think he just became a liability.
HS: (thinks for a while) Donna should never know.
SH: Not from me.
HS: Then I think your work here is done.
SH: Oh, I beg to differ. I still have some unfinished business (stops as he hears footsteps approaching Harvey’s office)
(Louis Litt enters Harvey’s office, sweating and fuming with anger)
LL: Where is that son of a British bitch Harvey, I swear I’m gonna…. huh! How dare you sit there like a buffoon, getting your hair wax all over Harvey’s couch and spoiling the sanctity of his office, while I was parading down the Central Park looking for Yvonne Lipski of the Royal British Ballet. This man fooled me Harvey, he got Donna a date with Richard Gere and promised me that Yvonne Lipski would be waiting for me in the Central Park, but guess what, I couldn’t find her anywhere.
HS: (looks at Sherlock with amusement)
SH: In my defense, I was BORED!
LL: In your defense? You sir, better prepare your defense because I will sue the hell out of your slimy smug silhouette for wasting my precious time. I will deploy all my power, all my resources just to see you beg before me and then I will mercifully turn your offer down and watch you rot.
Both HS & SH: OH! SHUT UP
Louis looks absurdly at the both of them while Harvey and Sherlock finally agree on something.
SH: (Getting up and pulling his trench coat) Ah! Louis, I see that your emergency meeting in the washroom didn’t go so well this afternoon. Also you should leave munching on those bran bars of yours since you clearly have a heart condition. And the number a certain redhead gave to you at the hot dog shop is fake, so don’t bother to call. (Nods towards Harvey and pats Louise on his shoulders before leaving)
LL: Harvey, THIS MAN IS MY GOD.
Check out more conversations between popular characters of pop-culture here: Divyansh Mundra